Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
