Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
