imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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