tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
