...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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