maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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