I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
