i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
