woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
