The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
