Duck Duck Cougar?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I deserve to be covered in dicks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
