I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
