No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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