I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize