Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
