After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
