How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
