You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize