my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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