you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
