Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
