You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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