either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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