rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
