I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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