I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
