her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
