I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wanna go halves on a baby?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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