Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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