Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
And then he peed in my hair
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
