My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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