It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
