Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
