Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
