put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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