mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
