I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
