well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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