you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
