why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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