I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
