4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
