In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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