Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
