I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
