I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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