I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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