I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
