Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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