i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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