yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
