Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm too high and old for this...
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