UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
