Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
